same old..same old shit.

when will things ever change?  am i such a fool to believe that there’s still a chance? damn, this is what i get from reading too much novels with “and they lived happily ever after…” when i was younger.  when will i ever outgrow that?

geeshh…here i go again.  ranting. mumbling to myself.  i hate him for making me feel like this, but i hate myself more for still believing that there might still be a chance for us.  i know damn well that love isn’t enough but i just can’t seem to drag myself out of this mess.  yeah, mess that’s what i call it. what can you call a situation that never seems to improve?  rather it gets worse! 

am i too demanding?  all i ever wanted is to be appreciated and be given the security like everybody else needs.  if i feel secure, i am very sure i won’t be such a “nag” every now and then.  i just don’t want to be the last to know about the things that happens or that will be happening to him.  i thought it’s hard to have another woman as a rival…but i guess having his friends and other priorities more important than you is harder.  i just can’t seem to understand why am i not enough for him to happy?  why does he need to be with somebody else (friends) plus me so he’ll enjoy a gimmick or an out-of-town trip?  when would he realize that it would also be nice if we can get to spend some time alone somewhere else.  am i really not enough?

i know i can  be intimidating at times…some male friends of mine would tell me that i’m independent and strong-willed.  and that unlike the other females out there, i have a good career ahead of me (this i strongly doubt)…i have my own money to spend on things i want and that i don’t need someone else to buy stuffs for me.  but you know, i may be strong or independent as i may seem to be…but i am just like the other women out there who longs to be appreciated and cherished.  i also want to be serenaded, taken out to romantic candlelight dinners and be surprised by out-of-town trips.  i am still a girl after all.

but though i want those things, i don’t demand it…all i want is to be heard, understood and taken into consideration before deciding about some things most esp if it would concern our future.  or maybe he doesn’t see me in his future, hence his actions. 😦

oh well…here i am again, complaining about things that i know can be resolved…but never had the guts to do so.

so tanga of me.


~ by iamsutil on February 11, 2008.

One Response to “same old..same old shit.”

  1. “…happily ever after”? Ever after is what we call the real word. What happens when the prince brings the princess home?

    Honestly, we all deserve romance. The problem is we don’t all get it.

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